SO THANKFUL

One year ago, maybe less I wasn't innocent. Probably oblivious to the world. I have 5 healthy kids, a hard working husband who loves me in spite of me, and 2 fluffy dogs! Yes, I was well aware of poverty, violence, and sickness, but it was very far away.

Last year at this time I never knew a child who was fighting for her life, had lost all her hair, but not her fight. I had parents who were going to be married forever. I never worried about my little granny. I never knew someone who had been a victim of horrible domestic violence. I never knew a child personally who had been raped and suffered her whole life at the hands of those who saw her as worthless. I am a new person. A new person with horrible images in my head, sadness in my heart, and hope for the future.

It's easy to never doubt God when you have no reason to. When your life is a little fairy tale story book of course God is real. But when you have to look at a sick child screaming it makes you wonder a bit. When a stranger becomes your daughter, but you can't even touch her or protect her, that faith begins to waiver. When your holidays and birthdays have to be split between your parents, you get angry at God. But all of the sudden you really need God. He has to be real or you can't face reality.

He has to be real for Ella, or she wouldn't still be fighting. He has to be real for Jeanna or she wouldn't have been able to truly walk away. He has to be really for Sundayma or she would have curled up in a ball and died. He has to be real to heal the hearts of my family. I am trusting more than ever and I am grateful reality came and busted up my fairy tale.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and a second helping of reality. Reality of the hunger, violence and sickness the world faces. Reality of who God is and what he's done for you. Reality of the hunger, violence and sickness the world faces.

I don't even like roller coasters...

Why you ask? Why don't I like roller coasters? Well, I don't like waiting. I don't like standing in that line while the anticipation wells up like a home made volcano about to blow. I don't like hoping that the safety harness is going to hold me in my seat. And I really don't like my body being whipped all over the place and my stomach ending up in my throat. Up and down, jerking this way and that. Yes, there is definitely some excitement along the way. But I'd really rather just stick to the merry-go-round. It's safe there. I know exactly what's going to happen and I'm not going to get sick!
So guess where life throws me? Yes, the roller coaster. The roller coaster named adoption, Africa. I am waiting in that line, being tossed to and fro. I am in love with this little girl, every day I envision her sitting next to me in church, laughing in the back seat of the car, sleeping safely in her bed. Then I hear the government and the laws are changing, she's sick and not getting better. This is the scariest emotional roller coaster I've ever been on. But I'm on, I'm committed, I'm not going to be the one who says "wait I want to get off". Even if I wanted to I couldn't.
When all is said and done I know that God will be glorified. When I step out of my seat and set my wobbly self on the ground, I hope you will all know I didn't do it alone. With Him all things are possible.