It would appear I haven't written in this blog in a while, a long while. In the last two years my life turned into something I never thought it would be. I muttered the words "our lives are kind of boring" in 2012 and that was the end of my boring life.
I have been pondering the delusional box many of us live in. The "not me" box. That would never happen to me, I could never become that person, I would never do that... you know the one. It's where we are a little better than the guy next to us, where we think we are invincible. We aren't. And we are foolish to believe that.
I look back on the last two years and I see my "not me" box exploded all over the place. It left a trail of joy and sorrow, immense heart break (literally and metaphorically), loss and confusion and thankfully healing. But no matter how quickly or completely we heal, the scars are there. They will remain a part of my family forever.
There are two sides to living in this delusional box. One is the idea that we are a step above. We don't protect ourselves from the things outside the box. They certainly couldn't effect us so there is no reason to be prepared. Like a theif in the night, we are taken. We wake up and have no idea how we arrived at this place of despair. This was not supposed to happen to me, I'm not this person, I knew what I was doing. And then comes the long, dark, uphill climb. Scratching and clawing for the light. But in those moments we find grace. It's small and it doesn't always last long, but if we are still it's there. The unconditional love of the few who are confident we will survive, the grace of a loving Father who never turns his back on His children. The fight is long and hard, but it's worth it. And in the end we become better people. We learn to guard what's most precious to us, to always be alert. We suddenly realize we are capable of becoming monsters, we are capable of losing everything. We are also capable of great love and great sacrifice. The kind we never knew inside that box.
The second and equally dangerous part of the "not me" box is lack of empathy. It could never happen to me turns into a very judgemental life. We become better therefore we lack compassion, kindness and understanding. We see a hurting world, but it's a hurt they have inflicted upon themselves. What are we supposed to do about that? Sometimes the only way to wipe our righteous glasses clean is to drop into that darkness and experience for ourselves the pain. We begin to understand. We lose all judgements. We understand the reality, the depths, the struggle.
Be cautious of the box you live in today. Open your mind and your heart. Look around at the people around you. Realize the hurt and the loss. Be gracious. Guard your hearts and your minds, guard your children. If you're drowning today, know you are not alone! Find someone who's been where you've been. Hold their hand and walk the road with them. If you don't know what to say, listen. And remember there is no place too far that God can't bring you back. His grace is enough, remember that. Even if you have to tattoo it on your arm! I did!
